G-d Is Great, and He Has a Sense of Humor.

Funny story: I recently switched my cellular phone service away from Verizon to Spectrum. Got tired of the deep state interfering with my communications, and Spectrum seems less susceptible to Precision Painting Plus’ nonsense.

I kept the Verizon service active, in case there were any problems during the transition. Verizon gave me a new number.

Well, apparently that number used to belong to a drug dealer named [redacted].

Super early on Sunday, July 27, around the time most dedicated junkies start itching, I unexpectedly received an ominous message from an unrecognized sender on the Verizon line. He claimed to be looking for a guy named [redacted]. Assuming it was more deep state shenanigans, I went ahead and mocked the sender, as has been the tradition for over a year, now.

Tonight, on Monday, July 28 at 11:43pm, I got MORE inbound texts, from a different rando. Another guy looking for the same person named [redacted], and it was obvious he wanted to deal illegal drugs. (“I’m coming to get stuff” = “I’m coming to get drugs”) So I went ahead and mocked this dude, too.

Dear Verizon,

Since Summer 2023, you have given the deep state a persistent colonoscopy into my information systems. Now you’ve got meth heads texting me at ungodly hours. Ironically, my deep state ex had previously threatened to punish me for my former addiction. I’ve cleaned up now, but your company nearly triggered a relapse here! I have deleted your eSIM from my mobile phone, thereby discontinuing my service effective July 29, 2025. Kindly cancel my account henceforth, and waive any outstanding balance owed.

All the Extra-Most Bestest,
-Grant Faber